第一次看張愛玲

張愛玲，名震中港，女性讀者任誰沒聽過這浪漫作家？我偏是那種不愛跟風，凡事比人快，否則就是眾人忘了我才做的人。耍性格？不，主要是懶。但是張小姐的美名都傳到外地去，不懂中文的友人都問起她來，是時候要讀了。午飯時間沒人陪，就在網上找到了名作“紅玫瑰與白玫瑰”。文果然名不虛傳，我一個小時把它讀完，感覺好像香濃的咖啡進了口，苦苦的；喝完後又有那千絲萬縷依依不捨的甘。

這兩年愛情運沒有，常常獨自在家，身不由己地迷上了日本動畫和劇集。日本的愛情小品通常輕鬆愉快，主角的愛笑中有淚，但永遠都是美好的結局。看得我又笑又哭，還好家中沒人，不然都給我嚇壞，把我送青山去了。看日劇把我的心暫時性地填滿，看完了還可回味一番。

但張小姐的文有點過去二十世紀的味道，把殘酷的現實用淒慘的情感娓娓道來。用讀完了心會空洞的結局來細說中國人的感情思想。紅玫瑰白玫瑰男主角，都是情感豐富，愛到不能自拔，後來又突然覺得不能逃避社會目光，黯然向現實低頭的人。雖然如此，她寫的又是這現代社會很多家庭的真面目。或者該說，歷史世世代代都有著這種苦家庭。以前是社會逼得要低頭；現在有了自由，人們又固步自封，總愛自己找苦。

想我曾經也是別人的紅玫瑰，不過時間經歷讓這玫瑰凋謝。也許將來我會是一朵白中帶紅的新玫瑰。



[Translation] Meeting Eileen Cheung


Ms. Eileen Cheung, although a famous writer whose name is known to all female readers of China and Hong Kong, I never read her publications. It is certainly not some attitude I put on to differentiate myself, it is pure laziness that I have yet to open her books. Now that even my friend from overseas spoke of her, it is indeed time to open one. I haven't brought the English version with me today, so I found the original Chinese publication of Red Rose, White Rose online and started reading over my lunch break at work. The overall experience was like enjoying a good quality coffee: the little sips tasted bitter, but the long lasting after taste tingled around your tongue.

I did not have much luck with romance over the past two years which led to my over-consumption of Japanese animes and dramas. Japanese love stories are often light and fun with a good deal of both laughters and tears and a happy ending*. As you can imagine I cried and laughed through the episodes. Fortunately I live alone or my family would have been so frightened by me that I would probably be sent to the psychiatrist. At the end of each series I was always very content and would be indulged in thoughts for days after.

On the other hand, Red Rose, White Rose resembles literatural writings from the early 20th century, where pessimistic authors tend to develop their characters and stories through daily settings thus reflecting their thoughts and criticism towards the Chinese society. The main character in this story found his lover irresistible and fell madly in love, but he admitted defeat to reality (or himself) when he failed to deal with the fact that he had breached the society's moral standards. Although Cheung's writing is similiar to earlier writings in style, the story itself also describes the reality of families in our society. In fact, there are always unhappy families through history. Once upon a time it was the unforgiving social standards that restricted people's freedom, now it is our lack of courage.
I was once a red rose though no longer. Perhaps one day I would be a white rose but with a tint of red.



*Back in the days I was under the impression that Japanese stories are sad and a happy ending is unusual, at least one of the characters would pass away in sickness or leave to other countries. These two years Japanese dramas are often based on manga stories as well which means that there are a lot more silly romantic movies with happy endings.